Friday, April 22, 2011

Bad Mommy

Wow, so 2 year olds... yeah. There's a challenge for you. Charlie has definitely gotten the memo that he's 2 and wants to make sure nobody doubts he is up to the task. Don't get me wrong, he is still sweet and loving and funny.... but there are moments I'm pretty sure his head is going to start spinning.

I think I'm just having a rough week with him. I hate that. I want to eat up every bit of this cute stage where he's talking and learning things so quickly. But some days - like yesterday - I really miss my 18 month old! You know, the age that was so easy because he was old enough to do a lot of things but hadn't discovered the art of the temper tantrum yet.

Yesterday in particular was rough. He woke up early and had about 3 tantrums within the first hour. I was pretty close to putting him back to bed. That just seemed to set the tone for the whole day. I wanted to take him out somewhere fun to play but even getting his shoes on was cause for screaming, so I just gave up and we stayed home. Where Hurricane Charlie systematically destroyed the house, room by room.

To vent I started texting. First Brad to tell him he must fly home immediately because *his* child was pushing me out of my sanity safety zone. And then the babysitter, begging her to please, come as soon as she could that night. She's a smart one, that babysitter and must have been able to interpret my texts because she wisely only showed up 10 minutes early.

At any rate, by the end of the day I felt like a bad mommy for not being able to find some way to deal with it all without wanting to pull my hair out. For practically flying out of the house after the sitter arrived, despite the cries of separation anxiety following me. For relishing every minute I got to peruse Lowes, Target and the grocery store that night by myself while feeling so relieved I didn't have to fight any of the bed time battles.

That's the thing - right now, everything is a battle. Changing a diaper, putting on clothes, getting in his chair to eat, going outside, coming back inside, getting the car seat, getting in and out of the bath tub, not being able to unroll my entire mega-roll of aluminum foil on the kitchen floor. All of these things are met with screaming, no matter how fun or entertaining I try to make them. Well, except for the foil. I didn't really try to make that fun or entertaining. That box has a sharp edge!

This doesn't take into account the screams that come from stopping him from destroying the house or coming close to inflicting bodily harm on himself. By the end of the day - or heck, by nap time - I just feel... tired. Not sleepy, but just worn out. Where I just want to stare at something. Preferably dumb reality TV.

But after all that, today was better; Charlie was a lot more agreeable. We went to our play group and had so much fun together. We came home and had lunch together and he took a short nap and then we went to the playground. We read books and snuggled before bed time.

He was tireless, though, which is also what kind of wears me down during the day. He isn't going to bed as early, sleeping as late or napping as much. So not as much recharge time for me. He even ran around the track at the playground! I didn't expect him to still fight bed time after all that running, but he did. Talked in his crib for a full hour after putting him down.

In his own way, I think Charlie kind of knows when he's being challenging. Sometimes I'll be standing there in a daze, staring at the ruins of my kitchen and roll of aluminum foil and all the sudden feel two arms around my knees. And hear a sweet, muffled, affectionate "Mama" from the inside of his hug.

And then I hug him back and we start over. Because he really is just so very sweet and loving. He's just being his age. Which is probably what makes me feel like a bad mommy the most. How can you blame a 2 year old for acting like he's 2?

So that's why, despite the fact that I really don't like them, I'm ordering him some dang Crocs so he can put on his own shoes and be independent and we can get out of the house with one less battle in the morning. I just decided that.

I'm going to have to give some thought on the other daily battles because I just don't think I can compromise on the diaper changes or getting dressed. A naked, soiled toddler running around would for SURE make me a bad mommy!

Now I feel bad for complaining so much. Much like Charlie Sheen's Torpedo of Truth tour, I am not winning this week!


Tracy said...

I can relate to this post! I just broke down and ordered a pair of crocs for Owen for the same reason so it cracked me up to read that you were in the same place. Sometimes it seems like "I need do it!" is all we hear at our house.

Katie said...

Man oh man. Sounds like it's time for a new week. I've been there many many many many times. Personally, I'm hoping age five is better. :) Is it me or is being a stay at home mom the hardest job in the world?