Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Long Goodbye to Dr. Brown

It occurred to me this week that maybe Charlie isn't going to drink from bottles forever. Actually, the way it actually happened was that I was thinking (my problems always start this way) and I realized Charlie is about to be 15 months old. I asked myself, do we go in for a check-up at 15 months? I'm not sure.

Before even finding the answer out, I started to dread this imaginary check-up and the inevitable lecture and raised eyebrow I will get for whatever it is I am currently doing wrong.

Let's see... what did they tell me to do last time? Oh yes, give him less milk and put it in a cup. I have not really done this. I cut one bottle and that's it. Oh GREAT. How quickly can I wean him off the remaining bottles so I can get a star sticker on my parenting report card?? Quick enough for this unscheduled appointment I'm not even sure we need??

Since I haven't actually read any of these parenting books I so carefully selected from Amazon, I have not been planning the bottle wean or anticipating the problems it could cause. It was something that would occur in THE FUTURE, along with potty training, girlfriends and college.

The screaming, back-arching toddler on my kitchen floor this afternoon knew otherwise. He'd actually gone on hunger strike today at daycare when only given one bottle. By the time we got home he was ready for his bottle and GIVE IT TO ME MOMMY.

Charlie is also cutting more teeth so he's grumpy to begin with. I think they must be incisors from where he's gnawing on things. He was up in the middle of the night last night screaming and inconsolable. It's times like that I really wish he could tell me what was wrong because I'm not the most even keeled gal at 12am when baby screams rip me from my sleep. After some ibuprofen he eventually went back to sleep but this is the worst of the teething so far.

The equation is now working like Teething + Weaning + Clueless Unprepared Mother who does not read her user manuals = Epic Fail.

My mom said to put water in his bottle. I did this and he threw it back at me after one sip, like quality control standards for the bottle have not been met, so please resubmit. Milk in a cup was returned in similar fashion but without the obligatory sip. Offering food instead of the bottle gets him really fired up. Like I am just not getting it why is he cursed with such clueless parents??

So anyways, I've got to figure out how to get him to start moving away from bottles I guess. Part of me wants to just put it off if he isn't totally ready in the spirit of 'we make them grow up so fast, let's not do that.' But I realize I could have a 2nd grader wearing diapers and sucking on a binky if I use that approach for everything. So it's time to cowboy up, as we like say in Texas.

And let me tell you, I have every expectation that I will work so hard to get him weaned, show up for the pediatrician appointment (which I still don't know we're going in for) and proudly proclaim our accomplishment to the doctor.... only to have the doctor not bat an eye and proceed to giving me a hard time about something else I'm doing wrong. Not brushing his teeth right or whatever. At which point I'll stomp out of there wondering where my damn star sticker is.


Tracy said...

Oh my gosh, this cracked me up. My little sister has three boys and she just cut her 2nd off of bottles at almost 2 years old. #2 was only 15 months old when #3 was born so she was picking her battles with #2. She waited so long that once she cut him off he climbed up on the counter, got a bottle out of the cabinet, and threw it at her. She tried bribing him with cookies and now he demands cookies and refuses milk. It probably won't get any easier later... Good luck. You can do it!

Lindsay said...

Yes, we did have a 15-month appointment. The bottle-to-cup transition was so hard with AJC. It took at least two weeks of the ATTITUDE to get it done. Then again, JTC was easy, so who knows? Good luck!

I need to wean from the bedtime cup of milk before the 2-year appointment. Going to try to switch to water. Boo.

Also, this is why I weaned my babies from BF before 1 year. They get so ornery, don't they?