This is my last week of maternity leave. Just typing that gives me an irregular heartbeat and shallow breathing. I'm not sure why. Fear of the unknown I guess. The unanswered questions: Will I be spending enough time with him? Am I read to have work stress and mommy stress all crammed into the same week? Can I make it through the day without him? Can I do all of this on my own with Brad out of town? I guess we'll see. I really hope it doesn't suck.
To prepare, I've been trying to get lots of stuff done - house semi-organized, dentist, car inspection, finding clothes that actually fit..... I'm in this strange place with clothes. Maternity clothes: too big. Regular clothes: too small. Employer: expecting me to show up not naked. I've found a few things and am a few more things away from not wearing the same thing more then once a week. Shopping is not so much fun with the extra weight. I have had to come to peace with the fact that a chunk of it is just going to hold on for dear life until I'm done breastfeeding.
Changing topics: Anyone else see the New Moon clip from the MTV awards? Each time I think I can not possibly be a bigger loser with no life for being so interested in all of this, I get drawn in again. I actually did not stay up to watch it last night but promptly googled when I got up this morning. It was on Stephanie Meyer's web site, which is where I discovered all sorts of other goodies. Deleted portions of the first 2 books, FAQ's, the story behind each of the books, etc. Read it all today, mostly while feeding Charlie.
To me, the most interesting stuff on her site was about how she wrote the books and how she got published. It is almost unsettling reading about the creation of her characters because she sounds a little bit nuts. It's like they are real people that she knows as well as herself. She wrote about how upset she was that Edward was going to leave Bella in her second book and that she tried to talk him out of it but couldn't. And how Bella and Edward had conversations in her head when she was trying to sleep so she kept a notepad by her bed so she wouldn't forget any of them. In the FAQ's someone asks who this one character's father is and her response is along the lines of I don't know, I haven't asked him that yet. I'd never really thought about how intimately a writer knows their characters. Where does that depth come from? The imagination? I'm not sure. JK Rowling talks about her characters in the same way. Twilight was inspired by a dream and from the night of the dream to the day she signed her book deal was six months. SIX MONTHS. That is so short. I guess she got lucky with all of it but six months doesn't even sound that long to write a book. Especially one that is 500 pages.
But anyways back to the clip - it appears there is an actual special effects budget this time! Yay! I was a little worried there were going to be visible stunt wires with wolves attached. Or something like that. And Jacob. Wow. What a difference a year makes. How old is he again? Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.
Well I think that's all I got. The eyelids are getting heavy. Charlie fell asleep super early tonight, all worn out from daycare this afternoon. He's still going partial days to get him used to it. I can't bring myself to do a full day yet because in my head I keep thinking this is my time with him! I just want to be with him during the day while I can. Not sure if I'll be saying that if he wakes up super early tomorrow morning though - ha!