Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Bad Mommy Syndrome

I've realized this week that the trip from good mommy-land to bad mommy-land takes about 10 minutes. I am in the middle of a week of enlightenment where one finds out one is doing several things wrong with regards to their baby. 

I got a call from daycare on Tuesday that Charlie had thrown up his second bottle of the day. This was not terribly alarming since bodily fluid is constantly on its way out of Charlie and she (one of the two main caregivers in the infant room) said he was quite cheerful afterwards. She kept talking about the incident and would periodically pause for a response. What I finally figured out is that it should go without saying that I need to go pick him up. I finally figure this out and said so and she sounded much relieved that I'd bought a clue.

Once I got him home I scheduled an appointment with the pediatrician for 30 minutes later. I found it was a mistake being happy about this as the particular pediatrician in the group that has availability in 30 minutes is generally one of the ones you'd rather not see. I get there and do my obligatory haggling with the guy at the front desk over my insurance card and we go back so I can begin answering every question the pediatrician asks with a wrong answer. Questions like 'how much are you feeding him?', 'how long has he had this drainage?' and 'have you made any recent changes in his diet?' are all met with knowing nods of disapproval as I answer them. Diagnosis for upchuck: overfeeding.

Yes, I gave my kid too much food and he threw up. I believe 'projectile vomit' was the term they used. You can please set my mother of year award over here. Daycare kept telling me he was draining his bottles and please send more food. And that he's in a growth spurt. So I really should be giving daycare's requests a little more scrutiny. Long story short, my milk supply is tanking now that I'm back at work and Charlie is trying to adjust by overcompensating when he eats during the day. Hungry Baby Eats Richmond.

Lest I forget to mention, the night before this episode I had Charlie out in the backyard with me while I threw the ball for the poodles to chase. By the time we were in the doctors' office there was a giant red bug bite on Charlie's forehead. It looked hideous! Like maybe something bigger then a bug bit him.  The doctor kept eyeing it and then murmured disapprovingly, 'little mosquito bite there.'  Two mother of the year awards!?!? I don't know if I have the shelf space!

To continue the fun, today I did a very quick drop off at daycare this morning where I barely even said good bye to Charlie because I was late for my super-important-nobody-is-late 9am meeting (which I was late for anyways) and then arrived to pick him up at 5:30 to find Charlie is the *last* baby in the room waiting for his mommy - and then I was just done. Full blown bad mommy syndrome. I felt so low the whole way home. He is still too new for me to let him down and be able to justify any of it - even if I know rationally that all of this is understandable. All in all, my first week of flying solo with Charlie and working was kind of rough. Mostly for Charlie.

I'm hoping to catch Excellent Mommy Syndrome this weekend when Charlie does something s brilliant and cute when I take him to the mall. If he chooses instead to projectile vomit, well, we can just switch malls.  


Nana said...

You are a wonderful mother! If you didn't make mistakes, you would be raising a child with a textbook instead of your love and instincts.
I made my share of mistakes with you girls, and you turned out fine.
I think you need Massage Envy!

Meredith said...

Quit being so hard on yourself! You've GOT to cut yourself some slack. Also tell your doctor you can't keep the kid in a hermetically sealed bubble all the time- bug bites (and eventually scrapes) will happen! I know this means a TON coming from someone who has never had kids but I think you are doing a great job.

Megan said...

Raising a baby has got to be one of the hardest things in the world. You're doing a GREAT job KK!! You're going to laugh your tush off in a couple months about this. I love you and can't wait to see you soon! I have the Friday you come in off, so we can hang out! Love you, keeping you in my prayers.

Megan said...

Haha! DO you like how both your sisters rushed to your blog first thing in the morning and made comments one min. apart? We must be related!!